Have you ever wanted to do something so bad, but it feels like you physically cannot go any further because something is in your way? How often have you ever tried to make a change or do something big, but that little voice inside your head starts with its negative self-talk telling you that you shouldn’t do what you were going to do because you might do something really embarrassing or people might reject you? I’m going to bet that this happens to you quite a lot. I’m talking about those self-limiting beliefs that we have that lead to those self-destructive behaviours that we know are not good for us.
It’s normal to have self-limiting beliefs and habits that stop us from being the best that we can be. Most people have them. We have had these self-limiting beliefs for a long time and as a result have developed some pretty bad habits. These beliefs that we have given power to for a long time are distorted and often tell us that bad things will happen, but it’s highly unlikely that they will.
For example, these beliefs make up the negative thoughts and negative self-talk that we do on a daily basis. The negative self-talk that tells us that when that person looks at us as they’re walking past are actually thinking of how fat and ugly we look (completely distorted and irrational right?). There could be a million and one reasons why that person is looking at us but our brain will automatically think the worst.
These self-limiting beliefs and habits that we have are powerful. They are so frickin’ powerful that they influence the way that we think, what we are feeling and the way that we behave. Once you begin to pay attention to these self-limiting beliefs and destructive behaviours we begin to realise how ingrained and automatic they are.
It is when we have an awareness that this is happening and understand why these thoughts are happening, we can begin to adapt and change our thinking, feel better about whom we are as a person and begin to find our best selves.
Part of my role is helping women find their best selves, is to provide self-limiting belief coaching. I asked the women that I work with what beliefs and habits they have that stop them from being the best person that they can be and finally achieving the breakthrough and success that they have always wanted. In this blog post I share three of self-limiting beliefs and habits they told me they do which get in the way of achieving what it is that they want.
- Caring Too Much About What Other People Think
- Having a Negative Mindset
- Having Too Much Self Doubt and Not Enough Confidence
Which one of these habits stops you from being your best you?
Caring Too Much About What Other People Think
One self-limiting belief and habit that many of the women tell me that stops them from being their best self, is their habit of caring too much about what other people think. They tell me that they care too much about what other people think about the way that they look, the decisions that they make and their ability to be able to do what it is that they set out to do. These thoughts can be extremely self-limiting, especially when there is no evidence to suggest that our choices and decisions are unreasonable and that we know that we are capable of achieving what it is that we set our mind to.
We tend to overestimate how badly and how much people think about us. Chances are that other people don’t care about what we are doing because they are too caught up in their own self-limiting beliefs and habits for us to even matter! And, should we really give a f**k about what other people think? Not really!
Is it about time that you let go of caring too much about what other people think? If so, you’re welcome to join a wonderful group of women in ‘The Finding Your Best You Posse’ Facebook group. Use the hashtag #letgoanyday and let us know that you’re ready to let go.
Having a Negative Mindset
Another habit that many women tell me about that limits them from being their best self is the habit of having a negative mindset and engaging in toxic negative self-talk. What I mean by this is having ideas, attitudes and believes about how we see ourselves and the world around us that are on the negative side. As I mentioned earlier, our thoughts and our mindset are powerful. They influence the way we think, feel and behave. So it makes sense that if we have a negative outlook on ourselves and on life, we’re going to do things that aren’t so great and limit how good we can be.
Here is some psychology trivia for you! There is a reason why we do things like this though and it’s called survival (that sounds cliche I know, but hear me out). Our negative thinking is a survival strategy that our brain uses to protect us from danger and helps to keep us safe. Here’s the thing, our brains are wired for survival. It’s amazing to think how far we have come as a species, with our smartphones and cars that drive themselves, but we’re still packing the hardware in our brains that would have protected us from being hunted and staying alive in the caveman days. It’s that part of our brain that is responsible for making us freeze like a statue or fight the shit out of that threat.
Those of us who live in a city setting and not in the jungle don’t tend to experience these types of threats anymore, so over time, our brain has adapted to protect us from psychological threats. That’s where our negative thoughts and self-talk come in. Our brains are hardwired to constantly look for the worst in everything and think about the worst possible scenario in order to protect us and keep us safe from psychological threats. This negative self-talk can be a complete bitch sometimes but remember, the next time she’s telling you that you’re not good enough, she’s just trying to keep you safe.
Having Too Much Self Doubt and Not Enough Confidence
A lot of the women that I work with tell me that they have too much self-doubt when it comes to trying something new or making a change and not having enough confidence in their ability to do so. This self-limiting habit relates to the above points of having a negative mindset and also caring too much about what other people think.
Where does this self-doubt come from anyway? Well, our brains are made up of millions and millions of connections. These connections are made up through our relationships with others, the world around us and our experiences throughout our lives, in particular, in our first five years of life. Early on in our lives, before we can articulate what is going on in the world around us, the relationships that we have that have formed those millions of connections in our brain are making up a template about how we see ourselves, our beliefs and what we think about the world around us. Sometimes when we’re growing up we receive messages that we’re not capable of achieving what we’re setting out to do. These messages can be direct or subtle and they make us feel like shit (those psychological threats I was telling you about earlier). These messages become our inner voice and live in the subconscious of our brain. Every now and again it pops up to the surface, but most of the time it lives in the depths of our subconscious brain.
Like the role of our negative thoughts, our inner voice is trying to protect us from psychological threats and things that make us feel like shit. You know those feelings of being rejected, embarrassed, and even failing at something. For me, I would really like to connect with you via video, but right now, my inner voice tells me that I shouldn’t do a live video because if I say something silly or have a blank I’m going to feel really embarrassed, that people will laugh and not take me seriously.
Have you pushed through your self-doubt and ended up doing something fabulous? Tell us all about it in the ‘Finding Your Best You Posse’ Facebook group, using the hashtag #celebrateanyday
Here’s to finding your best you!
LETS WORK TOGETHER!
Are you ready to start working together? That’s great! You can:
Join me and other fabulous women like yourself in the ‘Finding Your Best You Posse’ Facebook Group. It’s a safe space to connect with other women and celebrate your best you. We have a theme for each day of the week.
Let’s Touch Base
Leave your email and I will share with you resources, tasks and prompts that will help you to explore what it is that makes you the person you are. I’ll touch base with you every week with short exercises and tasks. You can share these in the Facebook Group on #promptdaytuesday.
Free Planning Workbook and Guide
Grab your free copy of ‘Start Here’ a free workbook and guide, where I teach you how to create your plan, take back control and live the life you deserve.